2nd Series 01/7 - Cold Touch Of Reality
by Laura the infamous B
Summary: Acceptance isn't always easy...


Cold Touch of Reality   
by Laura Boeff   
Acceptance isn't always easy....   
  


Cosmo hissed as he slammed the piece of scrap plastic pipe down on his arm. Again.   
And again. But the pain did not erase the hurt. Didn't drown out his misery or the heartache as he   
swung once more, gritting his teeth as pain blossomed anew in his arm. Tears ran freely down   
his face, a strange juxtaposition to the angry glower in his eyes as he swung.   
Why? Why wouldn't the pain drown out the hurt? Why couldn't he just cut the ache out   
and throw it away?! He didn't want it.   
Didn't!   
Damn.   
Cosmo swung again, the dull slap of the hard plastic striking his flesh the only sound   
above his barely stifled whimper. But the heartache just laughed at him. The anger burning   
through him and having no target other than himself. He was a coward, a fool... a failure. He   
deserved the pain. Accepted it.   
And swung the pipe again. 

"Cosmo?!"   
If it was possible to fling a sliding door open, Ace had just done it as he stared wide eyed   
at the trembling teen in front of him. For a moment he was frozen, breath catching in his throat at   
the sight. Cosmo's bare left arm was red and battered as the young teen looked up at him, anger   
flashing in his eyes... and agony.   
He had come in a flash after Angel's inquiry into Cosmo's strange behavior, the   
computer unable to handle the concept of self-mutilation. Ace couldn't handle it either. Hadn't   
believed it, even though the social service counselors warned him such things were not only   
possible, but commonplace in abuse cases.   
But still... What was the kid thinking? Something like this didn't make sense.   
It... It just didn't!   
And Ace chided himself for the judgment. To Cosmo it made sense. For some strange   
reason it made sense to a thirteen year old boy, whether it left him confused or not.   
"Go away!" Cosmo snarled, and swung the pipe again, the plastic cracking brutally on the   
outstretch limb.   
"No!" Ace gasped and leapt forward, grabbing the teen by the shoulders. The reaction   
was instantaneous. Cosmo panicked. Let out a coarse cry and instinctively planted his hands on   
Ace's chest and shoved free, the pipe hitting the floor forgotten.   
It all became a blur as Cosmo tried to run past him. Ace got in his way, wanting to stop   
him, but not frighten Cosmo anymore. What Ace wanted still didn't matter at this moment. Cosmo   
wanted out. Didn't want to be near him or any adult for that matter and lashed out as Ace tried to   
get a hand on him. The young man's fist clipped his chin, delivering a stinging pain that made   
Ace flinch back. In that slight retreat Cosmo escaped, pelting madly out into the hall.   
"Angel, emergency lockdown!" Ace ordered immediately. Not that it would hold Cosmo   
for long. His young charge could circumvent the security easily if given half a second.   
Ace didn't plan to give him that time though. 

Cosmo wailed his misery and pounded a fist against the exit door of the Express. Damn   
him! Damn the man! He'd locked down the train. Cosmo looked furtively at the control pad. He   
had his tools, always carried them, but it would take a few minutes to bypass the lock. A few   
minutes he didn't have, knowing the magician was hot on his heels. Damn it! He didn't want Ace   
near him. Didn't want anyone near him. He was alone. Couldn't the man understand that?! Had   
been alone all his life because he was a failure. A bastard. Worthless and without value. He   
didn't want the false sentiments the social service people offered. Or Ace's own concern. It was   
temporary. Like someone finding an injured bird. The desire to comfort was there, but soon that   
compassion would become annoyance when they learned what a nuisance it was to care for   
someone else.   
To care for him.   
There had to be a way out of here!   
Cosmo ran. 

"Cosmo is heading for the Express' control station, Ace," Angel informed him smoothly   
as he ran through the halls of his home, cape billowing behind him.   
"Thanks, Angel," Ace breathed, heart thundering madly in his chest. Damn. The   
counselors had warned him of these outbreaks. Had told him what could happen and how to   
handle it, but that was assuming he had Cosmo in the same room, that the teen was willing to   
suffer his presence long enough for him to talk.   
Cosmo wasn't willing.   
Ace knew confining the teen to the Express would only aggravate his condition, but he   
didn't dare let the young man get outside in his current self-destructive state of mind. In reality,   
Ace could have sealed Cosmo in whatever room he was in via Angel. And driven Cosmo past the   
point of hurt and anger to complete panic. Not an option he wanted to entertain.   
Ace paused at the control station door as it slid open. Stopped there and braced for   
whatever might happen.   
What happened... was nothing.   
Ace frowned, entering warily, lest Cosmo try to escape past him. But the control station   
was eerily empty.   
"Angel?"   
"Cosmo is out of my scanning area, Ace."   
'What!'   
'How?' was the next thought as Ace looked about, then he caught sight of the   
maintenance panel slightly ajar. Knelling, Ace pulled the loose cover off and the distant thump of   
something moving through the Express' engine compartment drifted up to him.   
Oh god! Cosmo was literally burrowing through the Express' fusion engine chamber.   
"Angel, shut down the Express now! Everything!" he ordered immediately, near panic   
now. Dear lord! There were power cables down there capable of lighting up a small city. If Cosmo   
touched one....   
"Shutting down," Angel said softly, without inflection to the order to shut herself off.   
Following was a slight, dying hum and everything went dim. The lights died and the air   
conditioning cut out, a ghostly silence falling over the Express. 

One kick. Two. The exterior access panel to the Express' engine compartment gave and   
sprang out, landing with an echoing clang as Cosmo slid free of the dank confines, trembling. He   
hadn't thought he could do it; move through the tight, enclosed space. He hated the dark! The   
closeness. Another shiver tore through his lean body as he stagger stepped across the trains   
parking slab.   
Cosmo had little doubt Ace would be on his heels. And he didn't want him to be. He   
wanted to be left alone. He was use to being alone. Even in a crowd. At home... anywhere. He   
was alone for a reason. A reason that was his fault and he knew it couldn't be any other way. So   
he ran. Seeking someplace to hide. Just hide. It was all he wanted to do right now.   
Hide. 

Ace let his cape drop away as the world reformed around him, the trailing glitter of magic   
dancing in front of his eyes as he appeared outside the Express. Immediately he went to where   
the access hatch had been brutally kicked out, picking up the metal square. His eyes scanned   
the surrounding area, instantly sought out any movement, any hint of life.   
And found nothing.   
Ace let out a groan and simply dropped the cover, it's dull clang echoing the empty   
feeling in his chest.   
'Be careful, Cosmo. Please. Be careful,' he wished fervently.   
He would have to find the young man. Would find him. Perhaps it was the better thing to   
let him go. Perhaps he had done enough damage already in trying to restrain Cosmo. But... he   
couldn't accept just doing nothing. Ace was Cosmo's guardian. And more.... He wanted to be a   
friend.   
Wanted....   
Ace sighed. Cosmo currently didn't give a damn for what he wanted at the moment.   
Something had triggered this emotional turmoil and his world currently revolved around the   
misery he was suffering. The mere thought of the young teen suffering raised an emotion in Ace   
like no other. A desperate desire to protect.   
Find him. He had to find Cosmo. So Ace started walking, quickly, racking his brain for   
ideas on places the teen had mentioned where he might go. 

Cosmo hunkered down, cradling his injured arm against his chest. It throbbed with a   
detached pain, a pulsing beat in rhythm with his heart. He lost himself in the sensation   
momentarily, mind numb and dazed. At last, he was alone. Vaguely aware of where he was. A   
quiet spot he had discovered in his explorations around the Express' parking slab. He should go   
further, get farther away, but he didn't. Something in him made him stay close. Didn't want him to   
leave his... his...   
Cosmo clenched his jaw and glared, face wet with tears. That wasn't his home! It was   
just someplace he would eventually be thrown out of. Ace meant well. He knew that. The older   
man believing he wanted the teen in his life, but that would change. Why wouldn't it? It always   
had before. Cosmo was a bastard. His father assured him of it. And he had no kinship to the   
magician. There were no ties to bind them and Ace could sever their relationship and end it with   
the wave of a hand and a signature on paper.   
He sobbed softly and turned into the wall. Why him damn it? Didn't he deserve better?   
He wanted better. But when did he ever get what he wanted?   
Jealousy surged up in Cosmo. Burned him and turned the ache in his heart to one of   
complete misery. The emotion so overwhelming he couldn't even summon the strength to lash   
out. So he cried silently in the shadows and tried to make some sense out of his life. 

Ace heard the soft sound. Froze and turned slowly. There was another sob, just as soft,   
and it touched him deep inside. He was surprised that Cosmo hadn't run farther. Had stayed   
closer to the Express than he had expected. It gave him hope. Hope that the teen wanted his   
help, even if it was an unconscious cry.   
The counselors had explained things Ace hadn't conceived of, or understood before. His   
life had been rough, but not what Cosmo had survived. The teen's strength of will was   
astounding sometimes. His determination seemingly endless. And then... other times...   
Ace took a deep, steadying breath. Other times he seemed to spiral into frightened   
confusion, trying to grasp concepts too unsettling for his young mind. Ace took hope that Cosmo   
had stayed nearby. Was the self abuse a cry for help? Just as a suicide attempt would have   
been.   
Ace stiffened and felt his stomach twist sickeningly.   
Suicide. Had Cosmo ever...? He shoved the thought aside. If the young man had   
entertained the thought in the past, Ace could not change it, but he would damn well make sure   
Cosmo had no reason to entertain such ideas in the future.   
"Cosmo?" he called, voice incredibly gentle, calm, despite the worry raging in him. There   
was a slight scuffle and a sniffle.   
"Go away."   
Ace sighed and took another deep breath.   
"I will go away if you really want me to.... but, I would like to talk. Just talk," he returned.   
Silence reigned then, for awhile.   
"Why?" It was snapped in annoyance. "Why do you want to talk to me?"   
"Because I care. And I'm worried about you," Ace stated simply.   
"Why? Why do you care?"   
Good question. Ace had asked himself the same before. The answer was never clear,   
but it was without refute. He did care. Ace knew he did. Wasn't sure why he did so strongly, but it   
all had become a moot point: He did care for Cosmo. Was determined to help him.   
"Because you're someone worth caring about," he answered. That got the teen, more   
silence following. Tentatively, Ace entered the overhang of the old rail overpass. Like the tunnels,   
there were a number of abandoned structures on the property Ace owned.   
He found Cosmo tucked against the wall, looking out the overpass' other side, staring   
out, huddled down with his legs drawn up. Ace kept his distance, crouching down beside the   
teen, cape settling around him. He caught sight of the abused arm in the weak sunlight and   
winced. The entire length of Cosmo's forearm was bruised and welt ridden, swelling starting to   
set in.   
Cosmo made a point of ignoring him, small tremors rolling through his body as he stared   
out from the overpass.   
"Are you okay?" Ace tried gently. A shrug was his only answer. It was obvious Cosmo   
had been crying, but now his eyes were steely. Cold.   
"Yeah," he hissed.   
Ace sighed. It was a lie of course, but it was the answer he expected.   
"Will you tell me what happened?" he asked.   
Cosmo's eyes darted to him, then away.   
"Doesn't matter," he spat vehemently, voice cracking slightly.   
Ace eased forward a touch, stopping when Cosmo stiffened, noticing his approach.   
"It matters to me," Ace told him. Cosmo flinched and his eyes darted back to him. Ace   
felt his heart go out to the young man at the confusion in the gray depths, but forced himself to   
stay put, to not reach out and offer some comfort. Cosmo shied away from physical contact.   
Expected the worse from such gestures. Never the best.   
Cosmo swallowed a sob, choked it back viscously, eyes closing as his fist clenched.   
"What happened, Cosmo? Please, I would like to help."   
Cosmo hissed and shook his head.   
"Can't help," he muttered darkly.   
"Why?"   
Cosmo flinched and stifled a small sob.   
"Leave me alone."   
"Not if I can help."   
Cosmo turned on him. "You can't help!" he screamed angrily.   
"Why not?" Ace implored. "I can try to help, Cosmo. I want to help. But you have to meet   
me half way and tell me what the problem is," he got out in a desperate rush.   
Cosmo snarled and went back to glaring out of the overhang.   
"You can't help because you don't know the answer," he spat.   
"You don't know that till you ask me the question."   
That made Cosmo stiffen, and tremble, the fist tightening. The teen struggled with his   
breathing, tried to calm down, but it didn't seem to help and the tremors increased.   
"Why?" he whispered, eyes wide and staring at no point in particular. "Why does he hate   
me?"   
Cosmo's father. Ace flinched. The man who had brutalized his son, his own offspring.   
Unloaded his anger and contempt on a fragile child who wanted nothing more than his love and   
approval.   
"That is a hard question," Ace admitted.   
Cosmo just snorted.   
"Knew you didn't have the answer," he muttered darkly.   
"I didn't say I couldn't try to answer, Cosmo," Ace pointed out calmly. He had tried to   
understand why people abused their children. Tried to learn so he could be ready for these   
moments. If one could ever truly be ready.   
"Only your father can answer that completely. But, to get a honest answer, he'd have to   
admit he was doing something wrong in the first place," Ace started.   
"Fat chance of that," Cosmo spat bitterly.   
Ace nodded. Fat chance.   
"It's about power. And cowardice. When people feel they have no control in their lives,   
they try to get control by taking it from others. Hurting those that are weaker than themselves is   
an easy way to do that. They feel.... stronger, important, when they can make people fear them.   
A child is an easy target. One that can be controlled... abused." Ace's throat tightened. God. He   
was having to tell Cosmo brutal truths the boy didn't need to hear. Cosmo wanted someone to   
love him, care for him, and here he was trying to explain why someone who should love him,   
should care for him, despised him. Loathed him.   
"He didn't want children. Always swore he didn't," Cosmo muttered suddenly. "Mom...   
Mom had trouble giving birth to me I guess. I remember them arguing about it. She couldn't have   
any more kids after me. Dad always yelled at her for that. Said...." The trembling worsened and   
Ace unconsciously slid forward, wanting to comfort. He froze when Cosmo's eyes flashed   
warningly at him, his body tensing. So Ace had to content himself with settling close by.   
Once sure Ace was coming no closer, Cosmo continued, voice low and distant.   
"Always bitched he had no reason for a wife that couldn't have kids. Not that he wanted   
any, he just wanted to bitch at her for something," he sighed. "I miss her."   
"I know you do," Ace assured. Cosmo rarely, very rarely mentioned his mother. But there   
was always such warmth and love when he did.   
Cosmo nodded slightly and fell silent again, curling up on himself some more. Ace waited   
patiently, to see if any more was coming. When the silence dragged on he started to speak   
again.   
"May I ask, what's got you so upset?" Ace requested softly. "Did.... did your father come   
near you today?"   
If he did.... Ace squelched the fury that wanted to rise at the thought of that man coming   
anywhere near Cosmo. O'Conner had signed the agreement that he would have no more contact   
with his son and Ace was damn well going to make him stick to it!   
"No," Cosmo muttered with a head shake. "Naww... wasn't him. I.... It's just..." Cosmo   
stifled a small sob, rubbing irritably at his nose with the back of his good arm.   
"Tyler's dad came to the arcade today. Just sort of showed up. Thought... thought at first   
Tyler was in trouble, but he wasn't. His dad just wanted to hang out with us," Cosmo's voice   
tightened, became almost a whisper. "He just wanted to hang out with his son."   
Ace dropped his head. And Cosmo couldn't understand. Couldn't comprehend why his   
own father wanted nothing to do with him, when Tyler's dad wanted to be with his son. Cosmo   
made a point of not going to his friends houses, meeting their family. This was the reason. The   
pain it brought. The confusion. The confusion had turned to anger. An anger demanding an   
outlet.   
A tear rolled down Cosmo's cheek and angrily he wiped it away.   
"Cosmo.. I,"   
"Want to be alone," Cosmo interrupted softly.   
Ace licked his lips. "Are you sure?"   
A slight nod.   
"Yeah. Just... leave me alone."   
Ace sighed. Cosmo was finished talking. For now. So he nodded.   
"I'll be at the Express. If you want to talk, or need anything..." Ace let the offer drift as   
Cosmo snuck him a quick glance. Uncertainty warred with the pain and he nodded slightly,   
returning his attention to the scenery around them.   
Ace extracted himself slowly and turned and headed back toward the train, heart   
incredibly heavy. What was he to do? Cosmo had been doing better. Was slowly adapting to his   
new life, but this showed Ace just how fragile that acceptance was. How a single emotional   
upheaval could fracture the young teen's world and send him spiraling down into despair.   
Destructively so.   
There should be more he could do. More!   
  
Cosmo felt a pang of loneliness at Ace's departure and squelched the feeling. Tried to   
pummel it into submission. Beat it back.   
But if refused to be killed. It sat there, in the background, urging him out of the cool   
shadows of the overpass. To go and seek out the older man and the comfort he offered.   
He might not have been able to banish the feeling, but he could ignore it. And did. It   
would only get him hurt. The comfort would turn to annoyance someday. Maybe not today, but   
someday. Someday   
Cosmo buried his face in his hands and simply wished the world would disappear for a   
while and leave him the hell alone. 

Ace was so lost in his dark thoughts as he approached the Magic Express that he didn't   
even hear the sound of a null-grav car settling down by the mammoth train, walking, hands   
clasped behind his back and head lowered.   
"Hey, Ace."   
The greeting jerked him from his reverie and, with a startled flinch, Ace looked up to see   
Vega. The older man smiled openly but the grin died as he saw the despair on the magician's   
face.   
"Ace? What's wrong?" Vega asked immediately, brow dropping in worry. Ace sighed and   
shook his head.   
"Cosmo," he murmured, heart breaking for his young charge.   
"Told you he'd be a handful, Ace," Vega chuckled, with a touch of condemnation. "But,   
when do you listen to me?"   
Anger suddenly churned in Ace. Boiled to the surface without restraint.   
"Shut up, Vega!" he snapped straight into Vega's face, gray eyes flashing.   
Vega took a step back, startled as Ace pushed by, fist clenching.   
"Ace? What the... ?" Vega gasped.   
Ace snarled, spinning on him. "I just caught Cosmo abusing himself. Punishing himself   
because he can't understand why his father hates him. So save me your jokes, your 'told you   
so's' and your damn speeches about how he's nothing but a thief and a trouble maker!" Ace all   
but screamed, anger and hurt washing over him, his magic bubbling and hissing with the alien   
emotions ripping through him.   
Vega was thunderstruck, jaw hanging down, working, but producing no sound as Ace   
spun about and headed for the Express' side door. It didn't slid open and briefly he stared at it,   
confused, before remembering the full shut down. The sudden need to loose a lighting bolt at the   
metal mammoth exploded in him and Ace *just* got a hold on the desire.   
Instead, he slumped against the cool metal side, shuddering. Feeling so helpless, and   
angry all the more because of that helplessness.   
A hand rested on his shoulder gently.   
"I'm sorry, Ace," Vega whispered, voice pain filled. For a moment, Ace didn't trust himself   
to answer. Taking a deep breath, muscles tight, he tried to calm, at last managing a slight shake   
of his head.   
"No.. I'm sorry..."   
"No, Ace. You're right. I have given you hell because of the kid," Vega apologized as the   
magician turned, collapsing against the Express.   
"I... I've just been worried for you. But you are right. This old cop just has trouble getting   
past first impressions. I'm sorry," he sighed. Ace just nodded. He knew that. He always knew   
that. To Vega, Ace was his first concern, not Cosmo. Just as Cosmo was now Ace's first   
concern.   
"I know, Vega. I know. I'm sorry I unloaded on you," Ace sighed, feeling suddenly tired.   
"It's just... He's not a bad kid. Can be a good man if someone gives him the chance," Ace went   
on.   
Vega nodded and smiled slightly.   
"And you're giving him that chance," Vega assured. "What happened?"   
Ace told him, voice faltering in places, but he managed to explain it all. Vega's face   
darkened, became a glower. Vega might distrust Cosmo, believed it was not the best idea for   
Ace to let the delinquent teen into his home, but he was not a man without a heart. He, perhaps   
better than anyone, understood the devastation of abuse. Had seen it on the streets, in the   
homes, in the faces of the victims who's bodies he'd found.   
"Damn," he muttered at last.   
Ace nodded.   
Damn.   
"Call Mary, Ace. Talk to her," Vega urged immediately. Mary was one of Cosmo's Social   
Service counselors. One of the few social service workers Ace believed truly cared about her   
young wards welfare. She'd been a godsend in explaining what he should expect, given Cosmo's   
past history. Her specialty being child physiology.   
"I don't know, Vega..." Ace sighed, uncertain whether involving a third party would help   
Cosmo.   
"No. You don't know. Neither do I. Call Mary, Ace. Get her advice. I've seen this kind of   
situation before, Ace. It can be worse. Can get worse,"   
Ace trembled. He knew that. Wanted to deny and pretend it wouldn't, but he knew better.   
Way better.   
Numbly he nodded.   
"I will," he sighed at last, activating his com. "Angel initiate start up sequence.   
Authorization 3, 2, 1. Now."   
There was a distant hum, almost indiscernible as the Magic Express came back to life.   
The door slid open before him, welcoming him into his home.   
"You call Mary, I'll rustle us up some coffee," Vega ordered briskly, unhesitantly following   
his younger friend inside. Ace smiled his gratitude. He needed the older man's support right now.   
Vega's solid foundation of trust to fall back on.   
"Thanks," he sighed, clapping Vega on the shoulder. "Thanks, Derek."   
Vega nodded with a knowing smile.   
"You'll help him, Ace. I know you will," he stated firmly.   
Ace wasn't so confident, but the encouragement helped. Shored up his crumbling beliefs.   
He just nodded and turned, heading toward the living room. 

Cosmo drew in a deep breath, and let it out slowly, feeling such an exhaustion settle over   
him. It was all sooo confusing. He knew his father hated him. He didn't know why.. not really.   
After all, he'd always tried to do what his father wanted... demanded. And still it was never the   
right thing. He could never do the right thing. Cosmo tried to dredge up positive moments with the   
older man, but it was hard, so hard and none of them taking place after his mother died.   
He slumped against the cement wall, shivering as his skin brushed it's exposed surface.   
He was just so tired of it all. Of the fear. The pain. The loneliness.   
The confusion.   
Ace caused the confusion and for a moment he hated him for it.   
Why? Why? Why?! Why did the magician care for him? Why did the man care? It   
couldn't be a publicity stunt. Ace had driven off reporters wanting to discuss the subject with him.   
Made a point to not allow those same reporters to harass Cosmo. He hadn't made any   
inappropriate moves on him. Never. Even at their first meeting Cosmo believed Ace had no   
sexual intentions for him. Had been ashamed of himself for even considering the possibility   
Believe.   
Something in Ace made him believe in the older man. Something about Ace, that Cosmo   
couldn't define, brought an unconscious desire to trust out.   
And he hated it!   
Hated the power it took away from him. The control.   
The blade snapped open. Cosmo's pocket knife. Not an intimidating weapon at all.   
But sharp.   
Very sharp.   
Cosmo kept it that way. He studied it's radiant edge even as his world spiraled in   
confusion around him.   
He was just so damn tired of it all. He wanted to believe, but belief meant giving up   
control. And giving up control meant he could be hurt.   
Would be hurt.   
He didn't want to be hurt. Never again. But he didn't want to be alone either.   
Fear and want. The two emotions warred with each other, fought and furied in him.   
And only the confusion reigned above the tumult. 

Ace slumped down onto the couch in front of the large wall screen and let himself go limp   
for a second, trying to gather his wits. Zina ambled in, gave a rumble and came immediately to   
his side. Unconsciously, his hand went out and scratched the massive black head. Zina rumbled   
her pleasure, but the gold eyes flicked up at him, a hint of confusion in their depths.   
'Where is Cosmo?' Those eyes seem to ask.   
If Cosmo was in the Express he would have sent Zina to him, to comfort the young man   
Zina had adopted as her cub. Anything to help ease the teen's despair. Ace almost sent her   
anyway, but that would be foolish. Foolish to let her roam outside without his supervision. Zina   
was intelligent, excelling so, but still a wild animal. A jungle cat in a human world.   
"Sorry, girl," he apologized for her cubs disappearance as he hit the keycode in for Mary   
Staebler.   
There was a beep, then another and then the screen came to life.   
A harried, middle age woman with brown hair graying at the temples looked up, eyes   
tired, but sparkling with an endless supply of compassion.   
"Mr. Cooper?" she said in surprise, a frown creasing her brow as she got a good look at   
him.   
"What's wrong?"   
Straight to the point. It was one of the things Ace liked about the woman. Her   
compassion was amazing, her common sense a godsend and her patience legendary.   
Ace explained. Everything he knew at least. Mary nodded, occasionally interrupted and   
cross questioned him, but otherwise let him do all the talking.   
In the end, she nodded and sighed, pausing slightly to clear something off her desk.   
"It's a good sign, Mr. Cooper," she said at last, with a hint of relief.   
Ace was flabbergasted.   
"Good sign?" he blurted. "I find Cosmo abusing himself and you call it a good sign?!"   
Mary gave him a sad smile, but nodded.   
"I know it's hard to understand, but, in a way, it is. He's not hiding his self injury. The   
injuries he's caused will be visible. He is asking for help without asking. In the most sever cases   
the damage would be more brutal, more carefully placed. Knife cuts, punctures, burns, to the   
torso and inner legs. Places easily concealed by clothing, allowing the victim to suffer in silence.   
Cosmo hurting himself in a hard to conceal area is his way of getting attention. Testing your   
reactions," she explained gently, her voice calm. It helped settle his own jangled nerves, but   
didn't help the reality of the situation.   
"Why? He's never done this before. His medical checkup didn't show any previous signs   
of self-mutilation?" Ace asked himself as much as Mary. Part of the agreement for him to be   
granted guardianship was that every six months Cosmo was required to undergo a medical   
examine; starting with the initial check up Cosmo had tolerated two weeks ago. While Social   
Services said it was simply to keep an eye on his health, Ace knew it for what it was; a way to   
make sure the magician himself wasn't abusing the young teen. Ace's fists clenched. As if he   
would ever....   
"I know he hasn't, Mr. Cooper. Cosmo is trying to deal with a massive shift in his world.   
Your accepting his guardianship is something he never honestly expected. That change is really   
starting to set in now. He can't understand how you can care for him when his father does not.   
Truth is, most abuse victims can't truly comprehend why their parents abuse them. Cosmo is no   
different. He's hitting a point, Mr. Cooper..."   
"Ace.. Please, call me Ace," Ace interrupted suddenly. He didn't know why, but right now   
he didn't want to be referred to in a formal manner. Mary nodded and smiled.   
"Ace. It sounds like Cosmo has hit a point in his life where he has to come to grips with   
himself and the world around him. He's close. To either breaking through or breaking down.   
Abuse victims generally reach a point of no return. A rock bottom. If the support is there, the   
emotional support he needs, he will be able to come to terms. Accept what has happened in his   
life and see that his future does not have to resemble his past. It sounds like he's reached that   
point, Ace."   
"I shouldn't of left him," Ace suddenly declared, but Mary shook her head.   
"Perhaps, perhaps not. But you trusted your instincts and gave Cosmo some breathing   
room. Some time to think. It sounds like the best thing. Just don't leave him alone too long. Keep   
near. Be there for when he decides, one way or the other," Mary went on.   
"How.. how can I help him make the right choice? To accept this life?" Ace asked   
desperately.   
Mary still smiled, but there was infinite sadness in it.   
"You can't, Ace. He has to decide. You just have to be there. To remind him of what   
you're offering and what he can have if he's willing to take the risk and accept it. To face the   
reality of what he has survived in his life. He has to make the choice, Ace. You just have to be   
there for him when he decides."   
Ace mulled it over unhappily. He understood what it meant to make choices. Had made a   
number of them himself as of late. Choices that effected his life. Now Cosmo had to make his   
own.   
He nodded at last.   
"Thank you, Mary. Sorry to bother you at this hour,"   
Mary waved it off.   
"That's why I get the paid the big bucks," she chuckled. "Call me if you need any help.   
You've got my home number if you can't reach me here."   
Ace nodded. "Thanks again.   
"Goodluck, Ace."   
Ace slumped back into the couch. Goodluck, indeed. He needed it.   
"So, what's the word?" Vega asked softly, pausing in the doorway, two steaming mugs in   
his hands. Ace accepted the one offered as his friend sat on the coffee table across from him.   
"Cosmo has to decide; whether he's going to accept his new life with me, and what has   
happened to him, or..." Ace's voice caught. "Or deny his place here, or anywhere."   
He warmed his cold heart with the hot coffee, trying to derive strength from the bitter   
black liquid.   
"Cosmo's not dumb, Ace. He's not suicidal either. He'll make the right choice," Vega   
assured.   
Ace sighed and nodded. "You don't know how much I hope you're right," he confessed,   
sipping more of the brew.   
"So what happens now?"   
Ace looked into the half empty cup thoughtfully.   
"Now.... I'm going to go and wait with Cosmo. I can't decide for him but I can be there   
when he does. I'm sorry about tonight."   
Vega and he were suppose to be going out to dinner. Vega actually treating for a   
change. Not that Ace wanted him to, but the cop insisting.   
"Don't you dare worry about that, Ace," Vega snorted. "This is far more important. Do you   
need any help?"   
Ace just shook his head "No. No... Thanks, Derek."   
Vega waved it all off sitting his cup down as he got up.   
"I'll get out of your hair then," he declared as Ace rose with him. Ace was taciturn as he   
accompanied the detective back outside. Thoughts roving over the possibilities. Uncertain and   
unhappy with it all. The hand patting his arm jerked him back.   
"He'll be okay, Ace," Vega repeated. "Call if you needed anything."   
"Thanks," was all Ace could manage as the Vega left. Then he looked toward the   
overpass, the shelter for his confused charge. Gathering his resolve, Ace started toward it   
without a second thought. 

He heard Ace come back, the older man saying nothing, simply coming beneath the   
overpass and settling down a comfortable distance away. Cosmo resisted the urge to look, afraid   
of what he would see. The concern. The worry. Emotions he didn't deserve. Didn't need.   
He focused on the knife blade instead, turning it slowly in his hands, watching the setting   
sun reflect off it's polished surface. He didn't want to die. The thought had never come to him. It   
amazed him it didn't, given what he had endured in his short life. What he had seen and gone   
through. Another point to his stupidity. Just too damn dumb to know when to call it quits and give   
it all up. To scared too.   
'Coward,' he thought bitterly. 'Bastard and a coward!'   
_No_. A small voice in him said simply. And he cringed.   
_No._ Just that simple. He wasn't a coward and wasn't a bastard. He knew it, somedays,   
even felt it. Then, other days... Days like today that made him want to scream. Made him want to   
curl up and hide in a hole.   
"What do you want?" he muttered at last, Ace's presence both a comfort and   
aggravation. He could flatline when he wasn't here. Could pretend the world outside had stopped   
for awhile. But now Ace was back....   
And yet, it felt... good, that he was here.   
Safe.   
Cosmo flinched and snarled slightly at himself.   
"I just want to make sure you're okay," Ace answered, not moving, a dark spot in the   
overpass' shadows. Cosmo glanced briefly at him, then the knife, feeling muscles tense. He felt   
the confusion building up in him, gathering and growing and he hated it.   
"Why do you give a damn what happens to me?!" he snarled, all of the chaos and   
uncertainty Cosmo had been bottling up exploding free with the exclamation. The emotions that   
had been simmering just beneath the surface, hidden, during his short time of living with Ace,   
escaping.   
"I mean, all I am is a nuisance! Why, Ace? Why do you bother with me? What do you   
want from me?!"   
Ace sighed softly. "You are not a nuisance. I bother with you because it's what you need.   
What you deserve. You have the potential to be a good man, Cosmo. To have a good life," he   
explained calmly. "It's the right thing to do."   
"Leave me alone," Cosmo muttered, frustrated by the answer. It was an answer, but not   
one he could comprehend. People didn't *do* things without expecting payment. It just didn't   
happen. Not to him at least. Not ever and not now.   
"No," Ace answered.   
Cosmo snarled. "Go away!"   
Ace shook his head. "No. I won't come any closer, but I'm not going away. I care too   
much to leave you alone."   
Cosmo flinched again, fingers tightening around the knife handle. Damn him. Damn the   
man! He wanted to get up, run away... yet couldn't move. Didn't want to move at the same time.   
What did the magician want? What did he want?! God... Confusion was all around him.   
Swamping him and burying him.   
Why? Why? Why?   
What could the man see in him that his father had not? Why was he suddenly important   
when all his life he had been nothing but a nuisance at best, a criminal at worse?   
He wanted to believe... wanted to hope and give up the pain.   
But to give it up...   
To give it up...   
With an inarticulate wail Cosmo threw the knife with all his strength against the opposite   
wall, the blade snapping on impact and falling to ground with a distant ting.   
  
Ace suppressed the wince as Cosmo threw the knife. Took strange comfort in it's   
breaking as the young man curled in on himself, trembling, the slight glint of silent tears trailing   
over his cheeks.   
"Why did you hurt yourself, Cosmo?" he asked softly. He wasn't sure if questioning the   
teen was the best idea, but he couldn't let the silence settle between them. He knew, above all   
else, that the silence could not be allowed.   
"I.... I..." Cosmo stammered, shaking his head slightly. "Wanted to hurt something,   
someone... But, it's wrong to hurt people. I... I didn't feel I had a right too, didn't want to hurt   
anyone...."   
Ace pursed his lips thoughtfully. "But you felt you had a right to hurt yourself?"   
There was a shaky nod and Ace felt his stomach clench. It was a twisted logic, twisted in   
the wrongness of it. It made no sense to him, but, to an angry thirteen old it was plain as day.   
Cosmo wanted to release his pain, his anger, but didn't want to hurt anyone. That left one target   
he felt deserving of his wraith.   
Himself.   
"You're right that it's wrong to hurt other people, Cosmo," he started carefully. "But it is   
also wrong to hurt yourself."   
"Go away."   
"No."   
Cosmo looked up at him. Glared. Simply glared at him for a moment. But there was more   
then fury in those gray eyes, there was uncertainty, fear... desperation.   
"Cosmo. I know you can't understand why I want to help, but I do. And I don't expect you   
to trust me or even believe me when I say I just want the best for you. Only time and experience   
can show you that I am telling you the truth," Ace told him gently. "I just want you to give me the   
time and the chance to help you."   
The gray eyes flickered. Cosmo's lip trembled slightly as he fought his inner battle.   
Numbly, he shook his head, eyes dropping away as tremors attacked his body, the emotional   
upheaval releasing itself in the mad trembling.   
"I... I..." He slumped down against the wall, shivering, eyes closed. "I..."   
"Just give me a chance, Cosmo. Give yourself a chance. I want to help you. I want to be   
your friend,"   
"Hurts, Ace," Cosmo murmured. "So messed up, man. Sometimes.. I.. I just don't know."   
Ace nodded. "You wonder who you are and if anyone can care about you? You think in   
the middle the night: Are you fooling yourself? Are you waiting to find your life is nothing but a   
mirage before your eyes?"   
Cosmo nodded slightly.   
"I understand, Cosmo. I do understand. I.. I am an orphan, Cosmo. No family, no   
memories of any. All my life I kept wondering who was I? Were did I belong? Did I belong? I do   
understand, Cosmo," Ace almost whispered, opening up hidden wounds that had never been   
revealed in his whole life. Opening them up to a frightened teen to see.   
"I'm not perfect, Cosmo. But I will always try my best. That's all I can offer," he   
concluded. 

He had to decide.   
That fact suddenly became painfully clear. He had to decide. For the first time in his life,   
Cosmo *had* to make a choice... Got to make a choice. Dare to risk it all, to put all his cards on   
the table and give Ace a chance. Or to refuse. To hold onto his control, and the pain and   
desolation that came with it.   
One choice meant a life of loneliness, but a life he was familiar with; understood. The   
other choice brought the uncertainty of his dreams coming true... or being dashed to the ground.   
_Choose_, the small voice whispered in him. Deep in him.   
_ Choose_.   
As if it was that easy.   
Briefly, his mothers face came to mind. Her kind smile. Her soft hand.   
Cosmo's heart tightened. It didn't make it any easier, but he knew the choice she would   
want him to make. Knew what he wanted.   
He wanted to believe.   
And he chose.   
Cosmo sobbed-- cried out in pain. Let out his fear, his hurt, in a single choked scream,   
the world collapsing on itself around him as he collapsed with it.   
A hand touched his shoulder, ever so gently. Cautiously. Through tear blurry eyes   
Cosmo saw Ace knelling by him, worry and hurt in the magician's eyes. Not his own hurt, but   
Cosmo's. Sharing his pain, feeling it as if it was his own.   
Cosmo accepted the offered hand, crawled beneath it and under the sheltering arm and   
cried, the larger man gathering him up and doing no more then holding him as he let the dark pit   
in himself empty out. 

Ace said nothing. Did nothing more then hold the young man tenderly. Every sniffle and   
sob was a knife in his heart, but he took comfort in the release. Cosmo had chosen. Not with   
words, but with his actions. By accepting Ace's hand, his comfort, the teen had accepted him.   
It did not mean the road ahead would be easy, for either of them. Ace had his own   
specters to cope with. Dark moments from his own past, just as Cosmo did. The fact they were   
both stubborn and willful wouldn't help either. But, with time, with patience and care...   
They would make it. No, it would not be easy, by any stretch of the imagination, but they   
would make it. Together.   
But that was the future. Here and now it was not important. Helping his young charge   
accept the new life offered was all that mattered. Accept the scars of the past marked on a young   
heart. As the minutes went past Ace felt weakness sweep through Cosmo's body, physical,   
emotional, the teen slumping against him, breathing ragged but steadying. Silently, Ace stood up,   
lifting the young man with him.   
Cosmo stood shakily, one hand holding tight to his arm, for balance... for comfort. He   
didn't look at him, but he didn't need to as Ace carefully guided him out from under the overpass.   
"Come on," Ace said softly, with a gentle smile. "Let's go home."   
Together.   
  



End file.
